ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
