my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Quick, to the slutcave!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
