It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
