The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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