Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We are all done wearing pants today
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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