Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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