oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Randomize
