I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize