update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
