remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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