How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
