he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
