too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
