jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
