i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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