i need an iv and a liver transplant
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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