Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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