i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm passing your future prison.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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