something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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