no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
