Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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