Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize