It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I AM VODKA MAN
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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