Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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