I accidentally had phone sex last night
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize