I wannas sexs uuuuu
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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