There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
