OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
