I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
