I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
