When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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