Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
