to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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