It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
