something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
