i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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