Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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