I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
