the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
