its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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