dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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