In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
