worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
