I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
