honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can't turn off my feet"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
