I think my fart just growled at me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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