Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
