So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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