Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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