Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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