that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You are the jesus of drinking
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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