i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
