I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
