dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
