remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
