i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
