FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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