my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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