I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
