"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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