I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
