just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
this just has baby written all over it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
