my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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