Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
