I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
