MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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