She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
