I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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