like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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