The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
