Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
