then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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