..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
