i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
