Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
