Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
