he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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