If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i think i have two assholes
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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