I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
